


I Love You.

by Dizzy1967



Series: Antwerp is a hell of a place. [1]
Category: The Goldfinch (2019), The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: Fluff, Holding Hands, How Do I Tag, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:48:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22342852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dizzy1967/pseuds/Dizzy1967
Summary: Theo and boris hold hands.A few words are exchanged. Small words, but important ones.
Relationships: Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky
Series: Antwerp is a hell of a place. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621021
Comments: 6
Kudos: 78





	I Love You.

**Author's Note:**

> I tagged it with internalized homophobia buuuuut it's extremely mild. So it's all pretty fluffy.

Boris stirred the cream into his coffee, ranting about the cold weather and shaking his head.

Of course he was right, it was freezing outside and more snow was falling, no sign of stopping.

Theo shifted his gaze from the cafe window to Boris' free hand.  
He'd been trying to work himself up enough to even just brush their fingers together since they left the hotel.  
It hadn't happened.

Everytime he'd almost reached out, almost hooked a finger around one of boris' own.. an intrusive, irritating little voice reared its head.

'he won't like that.'

'men don't hold hands.'

Clenching his fists, Theo pulls his hands closer to himself. 

'no. Obviously boris wouldn't want to hold hands.'

Theo sighs taking a drink of his coffee.

Boris looks at him raising an eyebrow.  
"Potter?"

Theo looks up, pulling himself from his thoughts. "Yeah?"

Boris taps the side of his cup, looking over theo's face.  
"Can hear you thinking from here. What's on your mind?"

Theo takes another drink of coffee.  
"Nothing."

Boris frowns, kicking Theo's shin underneath the table.  
"Am not stupid, Potter. I know when you are thinking."  
Boris leans closer.  
"Tell me, yes?"

Theo once again finds himself looking at boris hands. Watching as he steadies his cup with one and pours more cream with the other.  
He doesn't respond. Doesn't know how to say 'ive been trying desperately to at least touch fingers for the past hour and a half.' without coming off.. as. As needy? Childish? As if he had different intentions?

Boris Huffs. "You know. I used to know what you were thinking. Now? Not so much. Is frustrating."

Theo's eyes are still fixed on boris hands.

'just reach out. Make it look accidental.'

"I told you, it's nothing. I'm fine." Theo said, moving the sugar tin aside, hoping boris couldn't see the slight shake In his hands.

"Is not nothing! Can see it on your face!" Boris said. 

Theo sucked in a breath, watching as boris stirred his coffee again, not really mixing anything in.. just fidgeting with the spoon.

'do it.'

Theo felt his face go hot as he carefully reached over, placing his hand on top of boris'.  
Theo pressed his knuckles against his lips, prepared to pull his hand away if boris even hinted at being uncomfortable.

There's a clink of the spoon on boris' cup.  
He's let it go and is now looking at Theo with wide, soft eyes.  
Theo closes his eyes and quickly goes to pull his hand away, face burning and insides twisting.

"I-" Theos voice breaks. "I'm sorry." He says quickly.  
He's about to get up. Leave. Go anywhere that boris isn't. 

'you shouldn't have.'

Boris grabs Theo's sleeve, freezing him in place. His fists closed tight.  
"No! Potter, it is okay." He says quickly. 

'okay'

Theos heart pounds.  
"Boris, i-"

Boris slips his fingers up Theo's palm, easing his hand open and lacing their fingers together.

Theo ignores the shake in his breath and glances up at boris.

Boris smiled squeezing Theo's hand gently.  
"Is.. is what you were thinking.. yes?" 

Boris' tone is soft and Theo wants to answer.

'yes.'

He can't seem to get it out though.  
Instead he settles for rubbing his thumb over boris knuckle, hoping boris understands. 

He does.

"You know.. if you wanted to hold hands, you only have to ask.. or.. even don't ask. Just do." Boris said.

Theo shook his head. "I didnt.. want to make you uncomfortable" Theo says quietly.

Boris laughs. "Never! I could never be uncomfortable with you, Potter" his tone was light, playful. 

Theo looked at him, easing up a bit. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed Boris.  
Boris and his stories, his energy, just.. all of him.

Boris smiled and ran a fingers over theo's knuckles and as if Theo's thoughts were written across his face said  
"Crazy, huh? You and me finding each other again after so long."

Theo nodded, looking down to into his coffee cup and allowing himself to lean into Boris space a bit more.  
"It.. it was different here.. without you."  
Theo wasn't sure why he said it. Something in the way boris was looking at him. Making him want to spill his guts about everything. 

Boris smiled softly.  
"You know.. I missed you. It was too quiet without you and popchyk around. Tv was sad, getting high was boring." Boris said.

Stupidly, Theo felt tears blur his vision. He ducked his head and stirred his coffee.  
"Well.. me and popchyk missed you more." He said.

Boris laughed, reaching over and tapping his knuckles against theos forehead.  
"Love is not competition, Potter!"

Theo felt his face flush and he blinked quickly, shifting a little in his seat.  
Boris says things so easily.  
'love'  
Love is difficult. Love is messy and sometimes wrong.

"Anything can be a competition. E-even love." Theo said, hoping that he came off as calm, maybe even playful.

Judging by the way boris looked at him and raised in eyebrow, it didn't sound like that.  
"Does that word scare you? The L-word ?" Boris teased.

Theo felt his face warm again.

'only when it's about you.'

'only when it's true. Real.'

"No, I can say love" Theo said, sipping his coffee.

Boris leaned Across the table, resting his chin on his palm and smiling.  
"Say you love me, Potter"

Theo felt his insides twist and he turned his head away from boris' face.  
"I- why? You already know." He said, voice hushed.

Boris shrugged, still smiling.  
"Exactly, so what will it change if you say it to me?"

'its real then. It'll be real and I won't be able to pretend. I won't have any escape from the things we did together. What they meant.'

Theo wanted to run then, forget about Boris and his 'i love yous'.  
Pull his hand away and leave.  
But he also wanted to say it. To Be closer to boris. To tell him how much he loved him. How he loved him and kiss all over his face.

Theo forced those thoughts far away and focused his eyes on their hands. Boris' pale fingers locked with his.

"C'mon, Boris. What will it change?" Theo said.  
A pathetic argument since Boris had just confirmed it would change nothing.  
Theo was at a loss though.. and it was either that or guilty silence.

Boris rolls his eyes bringing their hands up to his face and pressing his cheek to Theo's knuckles.  
"For me? I sleep better tonight. Warmer. Because I will have heard you say 'i love you Boris!' c'mon, Potter, are you going to leave me here? Being a sap all on my own?" He said.

Theo ignored the slight shift as boris turned his head, lips pressed lightly against Theo's knuckles.

Theo took a deep breath and clenched his free hand.  
"F-fine, Boris. I love you." His tone was quiet, just Above a whisper.Boris' eyes widened. Like he hadn't actually expected Theo to say it. He smiled, brighter and wider than Theo had seen in a long time.  
"I love you too!" He squeezed Theo's hand a bit tighter.  
"You come to my house, yes? It is just around the block and up the street! We can watch movies, eat and you tell me you love me again, yes?" Boris said with childishly bright eyes.

Theo looked at him and sipped his coffee, smiling.  
He'd known Boris had planned going back to his place since the begining.  
Kept Theo with him even when he wanted to turn back because it really was too cold to walk, but boris kept him with him with puppy eyes and soft voices. 

There's a reason boris still did this, even though they weren't kids anymore. It works. It always works.

**Author's Note:**

> Would anyone be interested in a second fic?  
> A continuation of what goes on at boris' place.


End file.
